Will You Marry Me?

From God, this question was posed to us by Pastor during tonight's revival service. I had no idea what that would entail...

All day, we were in God's sweet presence, encountering new realms of His love. I expected much of the same and more in tonight's service as many of us had received a few directions concerning the service. As revival service went forth, I flowed in His Spirit and chalked an image of our wedding to God and then the captivating revelation of God's presence in what we think is a desert land. As Holy Spirit released my hands from chalking, I found myself on my face battling with God as He awaited an answer from me: Will you marry Me, Esther? I battled with this because, having had a conversation with Emmanuel yesterday, I was struggling with seeing myself worthy of God's great love. As He kept asking me this question, I kept saying, "I'm not worthy; my past is too great." This continued on at least three times before finally, my heart received the invitation and I said yes... not out of my own thoughts of worthiness, but God's grace. I realized His love and invitation was for Esther, regardless of who Sheria was or what she did... His grace and love had always been there for me to get to this point. It was my yes from years ago that sustained me to reach this point of falling in love with Him and saying "yes, I will marry you today." As unworthy as I felt, God counted me worthy for that very reason- not because I was preparing or told myself to love Him or be counted worthy, but because He first loved me in my unworthiness (1 John 4:10 "This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.") After the invitation was accepted, I fell in the presence of His peace and rested there.

Pastor was about to close service but was led by the Holy Spirit to lay hands on everyone... through dance. As "Glance" by Misty Edwards played, I believe she danced with each person and/or did what God led her to do (not sure; in my own world). During this time, God had me hold/hug myself and dance with Him alone. As tears fell down my face, Pastor approached me, uncrossed my arms, curtsied (I did it too), and danced with me. As she later pulled me in, I rested my head in her neck and felt God say, "You are now mine." It was then I realized Esther- exposed, naked, flaws and all- was fully accepted by God. All this time I thought I had received the love of God... but I had not let Him fully receive me. And still... He loved/loves me. He accepted me. As the night continued, God now presented another question: now that you have finally received my love for you... maybe now you can truly receive my love through Emmanuel because you haven't. You ARE worthy, daughter.

Your past is irrelevant to the One who truly loves you. He doesn't hold grudges or judge your flaws. He will never have a reason to divorce you. He is your first love (Revelation 2:3-4). You ARE worthy. I had to deal with how many people I had given my body to, knowing it grieved God. But, as Psalm 139 says, God knows and has known everything about us and STILL longs for us. I realize people have a hard time accepting God's love because it seems too out-of-this-world, "too-good-to-be-true" or unrealistic. That's exactly how it's supposed to be. It was never meant to be explainable in our mind's eye because it would be limited, conditional and temporary. God and our souls long for something greater. He longs for our longing for Him and His love. Despite what you think you know about God's love and your past, your story is irrelevant to His perception. The only thing that does matter is His-Story... the greatest love ever that exist to love you.

What do you have to lose? Your reputation? Fine... let it go because it's probably false anyway. He longs for you to see yourself as He sees you- through the eyes of love. Not the way everyone else sees you due to their own insecurities and distortions of THEIR self-image. I challenge you to reflect upon your past in view of God's grace and mercy and tell yourself: God STILL wants/longs to be with me. With that, hear and answer the question God longs for you to answer "yes" to-

Will you marry me?