Father Types

Romans 8:14-15
“… because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’”

Kate followed Rob, revealing the truth that it’s difficult to encounter and receive the love from Heavenly Abba Father when we’ve had difficulty receiving love from an earthly father. She shared her testimony about her grandfather’s love or lack of towards her father which affected her own father’s relationship with her. The reality is that many earthly parents often misrepresent the love of God towards their children and later have to ask for forgiveness. Many children don’t know their earthly father and by default don’t know the love of the Heavenly Father. Fathers provide identity and speak significance into their children’s lives. As many of us personally know or have seen, this can greatly impact a child’s life for years down the road- low self-esteem, bitterness turned into hatred & anger, depression, sometimes death through suicide or murder. Below are the different father types we discussed, what they may look like, how they may affect children and how they may affect one’s relationship with God.

1. Absent father- he is gone due to illness, work, travel, divorce, abandonment or other circumstances. Consequences/perceptions (C/P): you think God is distant or too far away; feel condemned; have guilt; constant striving to convince God to come to you; behaviors shaped to hide the truth; have a fear of getting too close
2. Passive father- he is there physically but not there emotionally for his wife and/or children; he has never or does not stand up for child/family. C/P- you feel God doesn’t seem to be interested; may not feel intimate with God; doesn’t feel God could protect you; constantly striving for love
3. Performance father- he’s always looking for the best. “a B is never good enough.” C/P- you do and be all you can to be in good standing with God; have a fear of failing; live behind a mask which can lead to burn out
4. Authoritarian father- he sees quiet kids as a measure of good behavior; into appearance and public opinion; he believes obedience is more important/valued more than relationship. C/P- you feel God is a cop when you step out of line; struggle with identity; have a craving for affirmation; always asking “who am I?”; hard for you to develop intimacy; fearful.
5. Abusive father- physical, emotional, verbal or sexual. C/P- you have deceptive guilt; fill your life with all forms of counterfeits; don’t feel comfortable with authority in your life
6. Good father- well-balanced in love, discipline, and affirmation

As Kate explained and walked us through, there is a process many of us need and must go through to forgive our earthly fathers for misrepresenting the love of God. As we forgive them, we realize that we’re not dishonoring them by pointing out or thinking about their flaws; it’s all in our perception. It is out of a love for them and understanding that we forgive them, knowing they are not perfect. Just love on him. I encourage you to pray this prayer as I and many adults did on this day:
“God, I release my father and everything he’s ever done or said that hurt me. (Insert specific moments you may remember). I give my father back to You. I now honor and bless him- I speak blessings over his life. God, forgive me for seeing You through the lens of what my earthly father is or does. I ask You to release your love on me as your son/daughter… your beloved son/daughter. I pray my heart is undone by Your love. I am free in Your love. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”